August 20, 2005 my 30th birthday. I can recall being VERY pregnant with Chrissy Mac and on complete bed rest. DJ and Laura and the family had planned a super sized 30th surprise in my Father’s Glenwood home. All to be cancelled because my feet resembled two large tree trunks. My blood pressure was off the charts and i was running after a 3.5 year old Johnny and a 15 month old Danny Boy. As I spend my days these days with MJ I often wonder how the hell we did it. Life was most hectic with three kids under 3.5 years of age. However me and the old man we really liked each other back then and kept reproducing.
February 20, 2003 my half birthday i was 27.5 years old. The day we lost my precious Mother Janice. Suddenly and with out warning just a few weeks after her 50th birthday she was gone. This past September I went the my friend Matt’s 50th birthday. A lovely house party thrown by his wife Donna. As we all stood and sang to him as he blew out his candles and hugged his three beautiful girls I began to sob. Hysterical at one point I had to leave the house and sit outside and a friend came to me and asked what was wrong I was unable to speak. I cleared my face of the tears and went back to the party. On the way home I said to Donald 50 – THAT is what 50 looks like ???? Matt is 50 and that is the face of a FIFTY year old ??? My mother was so young and had missed out on so much life had ahead for her.
I can clearly remember Mom turning 40. She and some friends were going to see Tom Jones at Westbury Music Fair. She was all dressed and excited to go see one of her favorite heart throbs. All I could remember was how dumb is that going to see some old guy sing. Now I find myself bursting with excitement every time I have 64 year old Billy Joel tickets in my hands. They would have a little house party a few days later Dad invited the neighbors and some friends to come celebrate. They would dance around to disco music, drink beer and wine and laugh all night long. Everyone smoked and the house was filled with the odor of Mom’s Virginia Slim Regulars. There was a game of poker or some kind of card game in the dining room and a bunch of woman giggling in the living room. What a silly way I thought to spend your birthday. Just last week I celebrated my friends 40th at her house where we all had a glass of wine in hand giggling as we danced to disco music till 4am. Wow who knew.
Now approaching my 40th I can’t help but think back to those 10 years ago as I was turning 30. Fearful of what middle age would bring. Well middle age has brought me three amazing boys, an outstanding marriage and quite a few grey hairs. Middle age has brought me two beautiful Nieces and a completely perfect Nephew with one on the way. It has taught me to love deeply as tomorrow is never promised. Middle age has brought me to know the meaning of true friend ship and the deep love and respect I have for those relationships. Most specifically for my best friend Shannon who constantly reminds me that no matter the distance, the hectic life, the kids, the husbands whatever she loves me and always will. She has walked though life always by my side.
Statistically I have lived half my life. With 6 months to go till I am 40 I am looking forward not backwards. My Mother only had 10 years left at this point I am determined to make the most of the years ahead.